Today is Holly’s 4th birthday. She had a really lovely birthday weekend and had a tea party with her cousin and a couple of friends on the Saturday and a treasure hunt around the village with her local friends on the Sunday. Several of our friends were extra sensitive to the fact that this was another major event without Oscar but the thing was we were really busy and entirely focused on Holly so it wasn’t too bad.
Then this morning we decided to take her into nursery late and have a birthday breakfast together first. David and I were feeling pretty low but didn’t say anything. Holly spent the entire morning talking about Oscar and, for the first time in a while, she talked about how she wished that he would come back from heaven to be with her on her birthday.Life is just such an odd sensation. On the one hand I am so convinced that happiness and contentment can be found by really focusing on being ‘in the present’ and that by being completely involved in whatever it is you are doing you end up getting the most out of it. I tell myself that there’s just no point feeling really really sad or to feel overwhelmed by ‘what if’s’ because we know that we did everything that we could do for him. He was a great sleeper and eater and was so resilient and strong, so staying in a low place just makes us feel worse and doesn’t bring him back.
We understand that we just have to make the most of the path that we now find ourselves on but then in a flash I think about what Oscar should be doing now or I catch sight of his photo out of the corner of my eye and I just miss him. The thing is both our kids are massive personalities with big senses of humour so we both agreed last night that the weekend would have been totally different with Oscar around. And we wouldn’t have been the only people to feel that.
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